Spontaneous Human Combustion

Ahh, yes.

The topic of spontaneous human combustion sure is hot.

Apparently the first case of spontaneous human combustion was in the 1400’s- a man names Polonus Vorstius.

He was an Eye-Talian knight who liked his wine strong, his women skimpy, and some (probably) really shitty old timey music… Its not like he was listening to BTS or something.

One night he consumed ‘two ladles’ of very strong wine and it disagreed with him. (Weeeaaakkk!) People say that he immediately vomited flame, and then he caught fire entirely… Dude was sort of a badass, I guess.

No one else was a two ladle loser and they handled their wine without problem, so what was Polonus’s deal?

Well, here’s my take on spontaneous human combustion…

ITS CLEARLY VAMPIRES, DUH!

Which like, whoa hot stuff to the max!

No one really documented if the bodies found were in the sunlight, perhaps lying underneath a window with the blinds just open enough to catch an old vamp on fire.

What’s your take?

Stay nasty.

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